i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
