So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
