So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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