hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know her cup size but not her name....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
