It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
