god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
