So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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