I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
