Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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