I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
