I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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