That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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