oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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