I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
