I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
