Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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