Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
