Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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