Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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