Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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