just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
