So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
