saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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