Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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