Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
