Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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