Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
