i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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