I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
