After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
