Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
