The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Randomize
