I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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