she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
