I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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