somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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