his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize