i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your penis caused this!
send nudes
from the living room?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
