U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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