I looked at my own cervix.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
