maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
