I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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