Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
