so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
