im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
