i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize