I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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