Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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