apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
