Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
