I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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