I only kidnapped one of them. chill
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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