Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
