i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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