omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
