My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
