My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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