So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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