i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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