Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize