i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
