Whod you bang
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
