Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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