just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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