guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
