What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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