ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
