I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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