I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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