I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
