WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
