When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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