oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
