She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
