Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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