They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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