His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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