handjob tips. give me some.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize