This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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