p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
