If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
