sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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