Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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