upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
