I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
