You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
