meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
